Are we there yet?

I'm ready to be done now...thanks for playing. 5 weeks out...so close, yet 5 seemingly endless weeks away. I am dead-on-my-feet tired. I can't concentrate. I'm edgy and cranky and grumpy...basically all the shades of irritated one can be and still not quite be angry. Though sometimes I'm that too.

For instance, yesterday 7 miles into our 13.25 mile run, I was angry with the Admiral hill....it was longer than I had remembered it being and I didn't think that was very nice of it. I wanted to punch that hill, but I was too tired. I just kept running up it instead. Meg and I ran every hill of that run...which Meg said made her feel proud and confident. I guess that is a better way of interpreting the events than being pissed at the hills for being there in the first place. I, however, opted for the latter.

I am actually beginning to feel a bit disoriented...do you think that means something...like I'm tired and should sleep? Perhaps. I also have been experiencing magical thinking. Example: I know that I have done all of this training....but sometimes I trick myself into believing that I haven't actually done anything and that I am super out of shape. Did I really ride 205 miles in a day? Nah, no one could do that! Did I do that 18 mile run in 98 degree weather and humidity that made rain look dry? No...not possible! See...very tricky....disorienting even. Is 77 laps (up and back) in a 25 meter pool really 2.4 miles? Or is it just like 100 feet? I don't know anymore.

I just keep moving forward...and I am excited about the race...even if I don't care about it today or yesterday. I know this is "normal" (whatever the hell that is) at this point in the training. Training is just like the race....you have to face the moments when you are disoriented, edgy, cranky, crabby, tired and then just move forward. Well, I guess you don't have to do that...I do.

Plus...I'm having this weird edema where my legs swell at night....swell up tighter than a drum....like someone pumped my lower half full of water or air....like they might split at the seams edema. It's so very sexy...not to mention comfortable.

Blah, blah, blah, crank, crab, groan and moan. I just thought I'd share the under belly of this thing called Ironman training. I'm sure I'll perk up...but right now I'm still wondering if we're there yet.